so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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