Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
