His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
