she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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