addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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