I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize