the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
