Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize