Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize