I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
