If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
