Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
then he tried to convert me to islam
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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