what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
