I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
