The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hippo gnu deer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
