I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
