I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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