i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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