Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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