dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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