im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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