who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
