That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
