i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
