so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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