I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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