Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
