So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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