love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
