Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize