I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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