did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
