Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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