New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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