woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
