I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
