i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
