God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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