We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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