:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
