I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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