Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
