Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
