If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
