does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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