The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
