I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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