i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize