If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
