By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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