My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
