i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
