chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
