No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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