i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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