I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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