Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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