i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
