there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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