so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to calm my uterus...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
