well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my being single is dangerous.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
