once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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