I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
