had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize