i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
