Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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