I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
