i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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