i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
