He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
