WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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