I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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