Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
