watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i drank out of a bidet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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