I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
