3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
