Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
