It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
