dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
