I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
