just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
