Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
